It’s common feel behind or lost in your 30’s. It sometimes feels like you have not achieved all the goals your teen-self set out to achieve. Everyone remembers how your teen-self had this image of the life they would have at 30. It seemed so far away at the time. We all knew we’d have it all together. We’d have the dream job, dream car, dream house and a spouse and kids to boot. Then reality sets in and your 30th birthday rolls around and maybe you have achieved and a few of the dreams you set out but for most, that list is still not fully ticked. And now you start to feel the anxiety and burden of your age.
You feel stuck, like life seems to be keeping you stagnated or your keeping you stagnated. You look around at those friends you had and currently have and look at their life and wonder, “how did we all get here”. Life seems to go so fast. The teen you thought of 30 as old and really far away, but now you’re here and you definitely do not feel old and the time ticked away so quickly.
“Hmmm 30”. Well we’re here now, we might as well live life to the fullest and enjoy it.
Fixing your perspective
First things first 30-year-old, 30 is not old. We have to remember that, even as parts of our body are forgetting this fact. Your knees may crack out loudly when you kneel or your back may ache randomly if you don’t sit the right way, but we’re not old.
I know, I know, kids around you may think your old when you tell them your age. And let’s not start on the auntie or uncle behaviour and mannerisms. You know, the ones you heard as a child. “do you remember me” what?! Did that just come out of my mouth? as you ask some tween or teen who last saw you when they were a small child. And let’s not mention being appalled at seeing a group of young people just doing their thing, making a Tik tok video, and thinking, “why are all these kids here”. Yes, you just thought that and maybe even said it out loud. Face it, we are mature now, but that does not mean we know what we are doing. Most people really don’t. we are all figuring it out as we go.
Changing circumstances and taking risks
Now that we agree, we are all figuring it out as we go, can we also agree that we can always change course? That’s always the big discussion. Feeling like now that we have done this thing for long, we are stuck here. Especially when it comes to your career. Now that you have spent a certain number of years doing this, you feel like that’s now the course to take. But I ask, is it really? Are you really happy doing what you’re doing or are you just doing it because that’s what you’re supposed to do or feel like it’s all you can do.
I know we assume your 20s is the time to try new things and be flexible. However, I think your 30s is the perfect time to be flexible and take calculated risks. Your brain is fully formed, you are more aware of what you like and don’t like. You may have a stronger desire and knowledge of what it is you want to do and who you want to become. So why not do it. Why be stuck in the same miserable cycle.
Change can always be a good thing. So go out and put yourself out there. Try out for a new job opportunity. Try new things, explore the world, do what you like and enjoy. Push yourself out of your comfort zone.
As we touch on taking risks in your 30s, here are a couple you can try;
1. Pursue your passions or dreams
Talking about feeling stuck, leads to the conversation of pursuing your passions and dreams. We all have dreams of what our world would be like and what we would love to do, be it career wise, travelling, living in a specific area or house and so on. Dreams are limitless and are only limited by our thoughts and beliefs. When it comes to your passions, you now have a bit of disposable income that can allow you to try them out. It can be cooking, painting, travelling, learning a new language, learning a sport, martial arts, whatever it is. Pursuing your passions allow you to try new things that are of interest to you and makes you a better-rounded person and most importantly, makes you happy.
2. Consider a new job or career
If your current career or job is not fulfilling, changing it is the best way to move forward and feel unstuck. No is the time to decide whether your career or your organization is working for you. If you are working a normal corporate job and don’t mind your specific career path but want to move forward, this is the time to do it. Approach your supervisor or manager on how you can move up on the ladder. If you want to change careers, figure out what best suits you and find a way to move into that. Use the resources available online to figure that out.
3. Be bold and stand out
I have had this discussion with a couple of people in their 30s and 40s and one thing that is common is that many people feel bolder and more confident once they hit 30. Even as you may question some things in your life, 30 seems like a good start for loving yourself and loving who your becoming. So, push that person to the forefront. Do not be worried about others thoughts of you and you also start to realize that most people are bothered about their own lives and are not really focused on you. So, do what you want and what excites you. You’ll be better for it.
4. Stand up for yourself
As stated above, the older we get, the less we worry about what people think of us. On that note, it is time you stood up for yourself. We tend to sometimes go with the flow of things and try not to offend people or even please them. Well guess who is the most important person, You. Set boundaries when it comes to people, be it your friends, colleagues or family. They will most likely not like it at first, especially if they are used to pushing you over, but they will come to get used to it and respect it.
5. See the world
I know many peoples first thought is I do not have the money or the time. When it comes to travelling, one thing you learn as your research and start doing it is that it is only as expensive as you make it. You do not have to go to Paris tomorrow, start small and build your way up. Look around for travel deals especially on flights and book a stay at an Airbnb. It does not have to be the most lavish trip for it to be memorable. Get your people and go on a road trip, try new foods. Trust me, it’s worth it. In your much later years, those memories created are what you remember, or at least that’s what I gather from the old folks ;-).
6. Start saving and investing
It may seem like a lot, between bills, trying to travel and having to save. However, it is important to do so. Have money tucked away for a rainy day, have investments such as bonds, life insurance, asset management funds and any other saving ventures available. You will need to be vigilant though and scope them out to ensure you have what is right for you.
Some of us may find it a bit difficult to save and I say us because I am one of them. It is important to know this and find tools or even apps that can help you save and track your spending. Find tricks that work for you and you will get to see how easy and effortless it becomes for you. Most importantly set a budget so that it can allow you to track spending and hold you accountable as you will see where you overspend, but you probably know your vices already. So, keep a good watch and eye on it. Do not overindulge and also do not be a miser. Enjoy your money wisely.
There’s still time
30 is not a death sentence and as we have already established, we do not need to have it all together. Many people turn 30 without a career or job, single, broke and not really achieved much. That’s fine too. We are always telling ourselves and the world also keeps affirming that we need to have it together by 30. Let’s be honest, adulting is hard. Even the ones who have been doing it for a while are still struggling to figure it out.
There are the famous reminders online showing how old successful people were when they finally got their big break. Not everybody is Zuckerberg or Bill Gates who got their stuff figured out in their 20s. Some of us are Samuel L. Jackson, who got his first big role at 45 or Vera Wang, who started her business at 40. There are many late bloomers who make it or figure it out later in life and are highly successful.
Yes, time is of the essence, we are used to hearing that. That does not always have to mean that everything has to happen quickly, sometimes it can mean that everything happens in its own time. “Everything within it’s time is beautiful”, that’s a quote I keep with me at all times (I have it tattooed). It reminds me that it can be slow and the changes we make can be gradual, but they are changes never the less, that will move things along. That dream car, dream house and dream life does not have to happen right now. It’s on its way, you just need to believe it and keep moving towards it. It gets closer every day.
It is not a race
Comparison and comparing ourselves to people is inevitable, we have all done it. We go through social media seeing what the people we went to school with are doing now. Trying to figure out whether you’re in the same position as they are or are, they miles ahead. Probability is some are miles ahead and doing what they always said they would do or even living the type of life you dreamt of living. Fact is though, there is also someone else looking at you and wishing they had what you have. Life’s just like that.
We can never compare ourselves to others as we can only be depressed or saddened by what we do not have. Which also in turn makes us forget what we do have. We are not in a race competing with others on what we do not have and where we are in life, although the world makes it seem like we are. The only one you should compete with is yourself. Always fight to be better than who you were yesterday. Even if it’s the little things, like waking up earlier, working out, being healthy. Those little things add up to complete the big picture.
In conclusion, let us enjoy the time we are at now. Go out with friends, do what you enjoy. Live life to the fullest. You are only in your current age and period once. As things keep changing, be grateful for all the experiences, even the not so good ones. That is how we learn and grow.